| Saturday, November 10th, 2007 |
| 6:26 pm |
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| Monday, October 29th, 2007 |
| 11:44 am |
im going to be an auntie. hayden joseph. im going to be an auntie and daniel is going to be a daddy. my head is going to explode. love me |
| Thursday, October 11th, 2007 |
| 4:52 pm |
i am going crazy with anticipation. i feel like some little kid waiting for the decoder ring in the mail, watching every afternoon at 3 o'clock for the mailman to come and drop me off something new and shiny and fanfriggintastic. but the mailman wont give me what i want. he comes and he goes and i swear he laughs about it in his little white truck, playing god with my emotions. sigh. i want it so bad. and i never was any good at being patient. not ever. not when i really, really wanted something. and a part of me worries that by saying it over and over again im just setting myself up for some big karmic letdown, but i really hope not. i mean, ive been sweating over this for the last 23 years. almost 24. thank you. and i would do good. good things. i could open sparklepop and give back to kids. i could give the bum 20 bucks and not worry that it would turn me into a bum too. i dont need to be rich. i just want to be published. and i want to get the fuck out of kinkos. sigh. and, if you haven't guessed it.... i want it NOW. just as bad as i wanted the house. maybe more. it knots my stomach up just thinking about it. but in a good way. like when i look at tim - back in the day before he wasnt mine. like im going to vomit, passout, or cum. its just a matter of timing. tragic. love me |
| Saturday, June 30th, 2007 |
| 9:27 pm |
i want it so bad
Reminder For the most part, I’ve forgotten. But – Every so often a little piece of stomach lining crumbles off and disappears into the blood stream. An island of Alaskan ice that drifts – unwilling and unasking, mind you – towards Hawaii, only to disintegrate in the withering wanting heat, overcome by imaginings and the worst forms of passion. and every icy, wretched drop, sizzling and stinging and melting away, hints at an even greater Loss. Like ribbons of skin in an uncleanable and ever-present wound. |
| Tuesday, May 1st, 2007 |
| 6:57 pm |
i said goodbye to my mom the other day. it was easier than i thought it would be, but it still stung. but i am still getting married. and my new dress is even prettier. and now the guest list is shorter and we might be able to afford the catering :) |
| Friday, March 9th, 2007 |
| 6:44 pm |
melodramatic I used your toothbrush today; I thought there might be a trace or two of you left on the bristles. (the only spit I could find was my own) your toothbrush left me minty fresh, sparkling white, and alone. |
| Thursday, March 8th, 2007 |
| 6:51 pm |
jackie chan was right. i am a squidgy marshmellow. sigh. |
| Thursday, December 28th, 2006 |
| 11:01 pm |
i am so smart s m r t life is all better now love me |
| Wednesday, December 6th, 2006 |
| 8:27 pm |
i am a dumb girl. a very dumb girl. i need a chinstrap and a droolrag i am so dumb. i need padded walls and rubber underpants. i need safety scissors and paste or maybe rubber cement because even if i eat the whole container i couldn't get any stupider than i already am. sigh. stupid, silly, casey. i thought ignorance was bliss... |
| Friday, November 3rd, 2006 |
| 10:22 pm |
i know he's not compensating... so why a 2000 dollar tv? :p |
| Friday, October 27th, 2006 |
| 9:14 pm |
omygod. im buying a house. this tuesday i am buying a house. i must be deranged. lol. well, i certainly will be when all this is over. yawn. off to watch spongebob. "karate island - hiyah!" (one of the nice things of being sleepy all the time like a toddler is that my sophisticated sense of humor has been disolved into a quivering puddle of hilarity - the whole world is friggin laughtastic. seriously, have you ever really watched the news? who decides on those outfits...) |
| Wednesday, September 20th, 2006 |
| 5:49 pm |
when i was younger (so young) i feared you would devour me into a thousand bite sized pieces. and then you did. and now i'm whole. (i love you) |
| Wednesday, September 13th, 2006 |
| 2:37 pm |
if i lay here... if i just lay here... would you lie with me and forget about the world? man. i haven't felt this crazy in a really long time. but im loved. and that's really something. |
| Friday, September 8th, 2006 |
| 7:58 pm |
hey its me. just checkin in. life is good. today i saw pictures of ruth and i realized how much i miss her. i mean, dont get me wrong. i love liz and tenly and they are totally my best friends, but i just miss ruth. i miss how smart and even-keeled she is. yea, sure, she's the one with the tatoos but she's always got the level head. im the retarded emotional one and she's the brains of the operation. and considering right now i feel all retarded and emotional it would be nice to have some brains in this operation. but she looks so happy in the pictures, so it feels wrong to complain too much. :) having dinner with the grandparents on monday. wish me luck. work is good. i have to call the house guy on tuesday. the cat is almost 8. wow. i'll have been here 7 years soon. wow again. saw grandma today. she was good. happy. lively. i think tims parents are opening a savings account for us. very sweet. or they want us to open our own account. which, in an odd way, is sweet too. i have alot to learn about this to have and to hold buisness. alot. hence the whole missing ruth thing. love me p.s. caleb i need a backrub. |
| Sunday, August 6th, 2006 |
| 6:24 pm |
i have a wedding dress. its hanging in my closet. holy crap. holy crap. :) |
| Saturday, July 29th, 2006 |
| 3:54 pm |
finishing my bachelors - 5 years, 15,000 dollars planning a wedding - 2 years, 5,000 dollars finding a house - 3 years, god knows how much money keeping busy? priceless. for everything else? pfft. like i have time for anything else :O) just checking in to say life is good. love me p.s. i get to go dress shopping tomorrow. i am so frigging stoked. STOKED!! |
| Friday, July 21st, 2006 |
| 6:17 pm |
people are dumb. there's a haiku in there somewhere i'm sure. people are dumb. DUMB. boom first. ask next. cry later. smart ones would cry now. i dont feel very smart, but i do feel like crying. ive just read these amazing books - the city of ember and the people of sparks and they make you remember what it is to be hopeful. to think hey, maybe tomorrow will actually be better than today. i try to be like that, but to be honest i dont often succeed. there are so many fixes. healthcare could be fixed. education could be fixed. aids and poverty and the frigging gas crisis should be fixed. the war on terror cant be fixed. but it could be stopped. broken people cant fix other people. and we're broken. there might as well be a crater down the middle of america. and george bush was the bandaid. ironic. well - ripping that fucker off sure has hurt. and we just keep bleeding. in this book the world is done. destroyed. except for a small few. and then, in the midst of anger and miscommunication they almost destroy themselves all over again. DUMB. some days i think that if we survive the next 200 years it will be a miracle. if we survive the next 100 years it will be an even bigger miracle. and if we do, what will scholars think? will they build us up as mythical creatures like in my books? or will they point angry fingers and refuse us like so many of us have done to our own ancestors. maybe both. no one sees the map, few believe. but still some see - if only they spoke louder. ... god we're dumb. love me p.s. sorry this is so depressing. but sometimes i think the fact that so few of us are having depressing conversations is the most depressing thing of all. |
| Thursday, July 6th, 2006 |
| 7:00 pm |
so im officially procrasinating writing this paper... its coming along i just dont care any more. i mean im almost done. like a turkey. or a prison inmate. almost done. almost out. then parole for 1 yr and back to basic. bleck. mcdaniel should be chill though. im excited. and in 2 years - get this - ill be married. wtf. i mean seriously. how did this happen? ive been engaged for over 6 months. and progress is good. we have a site. we have decor. we have each other. its groovy. people out there who knew me in my past cranky life would crack up at me giggling over daisies and color schemes. lord knows tim does. you know i wear skirts now? big, foufy flowy skirts. and i like pink. somedays i do miss the fro, though. during the era of adam. that fro was hilarious. i keep wanting to dye it again. maybe red? who knows. the job is a job. but its ok. i get paid above min wage and i dont loathe the people and i get the same days off so thats good. 6-2. ugh. gotta get up at 4. so sad. well, ive procrasinated long enough i suppose. love me |
| 6:58 pm |
dude. my brain is breaking. damn you christina rossetti and your goblin minions. damn you all. p.s. argh |
| Wednesday, June 21st, 2006 |
| 8:11 pm |
hello dearies. i started my new hours today and as a result i am sleeptastic. Yawn. tomorrow i am trying to go run before work. im not so sure how it will go, but i can try. right? right. love me p.s. parents are silly creatures |
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